Interpersonal relationships are a significant part of our lives. We engage with people everyday, between our children, family, friends, coworkers, romantic partners, and even acquaintances. These relationships make up our social networks and support systems, which can heavily affect our mental health and well-being. It is very important to create positive, healthy relationships, and a key component to that is establishing personal boundaries.
What are boundaries?
Personal boundaries are the rules and limits we set within our relationships with others. They are the invisible lines we draw for our level of comfort and reflect our values and needs. The boundaries we set create a clear guideline of how we want to be treated and what is acceptable in the relationship. They help steer our relationships in a direction that allows both parties to feel comfortable.
Why are boundaries important?
Boundaries help us better understand each other and encourage healthy communication. In doing so, they can help reduce stress, anxiety, and resentment in relationships. They can help strengthen a relationship at any stage, whether you have just met someone or have known them for ten years. Incorporating boundaries into your life is an important form of self-care! They protect our well-being, mental health, and overall comfort!
There are many different types of boundaries. For example, communicating to your boss that you will not check your work email outside of work hours is a time boundary because it relates to how you spend your time. Requesting that a family member gives you a day’s notice before visiting your home is a physical boundary. There are also emotional boundaries, financial boundaries, religious boundaries, and more.
Personal boundaries are extremely important, but are not always the easiest to establish. Here are a few tips to follow:
- Understand yourself and your needs: Ask yourself questions like: What is important to me? What traits do I value in my relationships? What actions bother me? How did I react to this situation? What is the goal of setting this boundary? By understanding your feelings, you can start to visualize what types of boundaries you want to set in your relationship and why they are important.
- Start small and keep it simple: Setting boundaries can be intimidating and uncomfortable. Focus on one boundary at a time, and be clear with what you want and why.
- Practice: Talk through how you plan to approach someone and what you want to say. Make sure to clearly communicate your wants and needs in a respectful manner. Rushed conversations and vague requests can make it difficult for others to understand and respect your boundaries.
- Consider delivery: Focus on “I” statements rather you “you” statements. For example, “I feel _____ when ____ happens.” This is a simple way to communicate your boundary with someone without putting the blame on them.
- Consider timing: Make sure all parties feel relaxed and are in the headspace to focus on the conversation.
Some people may have clarifying questions for you depending on the boundary. Remember, you do not have to justify your feelings with others. Sometimes it helps to give others a little insight into why those boundaries are important to you, so you may decide to give more information depending on the relationship (e.g. a romantic partner versus a coworker). However, this decision is completely up to you!
Whether it’s assessing what boundary you need to set or determining if a boundary has been crossed, remember to listen to yourself. Ask yourself how you feel about a situation and listen to your instincts. We should not mold ourselves to appease others. Boundaries are a great way for us to practice speaking up for ourselves!
Just as we want others to respect our boundaries, it is important to recognize and respect other people’s boundaries! Healthy relationships go two ways. Be mindful of how you approach and respond to others. While setting these boundaries can be daunting, it is extremely fulfilling and can help create the foundation for healthy and successful relationships!
