“A Gem Cannot Be Polished Without Friction”
February is around the corner, and ideas like love and romance may come to mind. However, it’s important to not get caught up in the romance side of love, as it is so much deeper than that. The love we have with our family, friends, and children, as well as ourselves is invaluable. Life can be hard and constantly presents different challenges and obstacles for us to tackle. We must learn to love and care for ourselves not despite the challenges we face, but because of them. For this month’s spotlight, we hear how Valerie King pushed through the challenges in her life and came to understand self love.
Valerie had her first child at 18 years old. A year later, she was admitted to the hospital with a broken back at the hands of the father of her child, and had to reteach herself to walk for two and a half weeks. Four years later, when she was pregnant with her third child, she got caught up in financial troubles and entered federal prison for 18 months. Under stress and pressure from the Office of Children’s Services and her family, she signed over the rights to her three children, a decision she still mourns.
The years following her release, Valerie began pursuing a degree in graphic design and gave birth to her fourth child. However, in 2016 her landlord refused to renew her lease, leaving the mother and daughter homeless. Valerie describes those six and a half years as the hardest and worst years of her life. With her daughter’s father incarcerated, Valerie banded together with her daughter’s six half-siblings and their mom. Together, the two single moms worked together to care for the seven children. “I am so thankful to have her a part of [our] lives,” Valerie says, “I love her like my own sister, and all of her children are not only my daughter’s half-siblings but my babies too.” Through persistence and determination, the family finally acquired subsidized housing in 2022.
Valerie is currently pregnant with her fifth and last child, and is pursuing a B.A. in leadership and change. In addition, Valerie founded a peer support group called GroundUp Peer Support and Reentry Services in Olympia, Washington. Though still in the beginning stages, Valerie works to educate parents, single moms, and caregivers on their rights and services available to them. She hopes that no one endures what she did alone. Her dream is to help others have the confidence and resources to confront their issues and build the strength they need to work through them to create a life of success.
To overcome the challenges in life and as a single mom, Valerie learned to set boundaries and speak up for herself rather than conforming to others in an attempt to spare feelings. She found her groove and didn’t let others distract her from it. Her mindset and life changed when she stopped focusing on the negativity around her and started being thankful for what she had in life. Through the years, she has learned the importance of resilience, family, and mutual support. Her test of fortitude is a reminder that it is never too late to keep growing and learning.
“I want every woman to know that, no matter what they went through, they can do anything they put their mind to.”
Valerie is extremely proud of her achievements, from leaving an abusive relationship, getting her and her daughter out of homelessness, staying out of prison, pursuing two college degrees, and paying back $5,000 worth of child support and $7,000 of federal restitution, all while being a single mom. In the face of adversity, she emerged with newfound determination and strength. When thinking about her achievements, Valerie says, “I am proud of everything I have accomplished thus far, and I love being me.”
Valerie hopes that her story will help other women look at the bigger picture and show other single moms that it is possible to succeed and be happy. She emphasizes how important it is for women to uphold and empower one another. She calls for unity, encouraging mutual support and breaking the cycle of self-destructive patterns.
Her message to other single moms is to take time to get to know yourself and learn to love yourself first. Some situations may lead us to feel isolated and alone, but Valerie encourages us to embrace that time and focus on self-growth. We must learn to forgive ourselves and be comfortable in our own skin. In order to care for and love others, we have to love ourselves first. Once Valerie learned how to love herself, her life became more satisfying and peaceful.
As Valerie puts it, “it starts with the self. You cannot pour from an empty cup. We want our cup to overflow, but that can only happen if you put yourself first. We don’t want to give the last of ourselves to our children, friends, or family. We should give them the abundance that is flowing from the cup. And that can only happen if we learn to love and take care of ourselves. Then everything else with parenting -single or not- comes naturally.”
As the pages in her life continue to unfold, Valerie remains a beacon of hope and inspiration, proving that a different path can lead to a different empowering result. Her story is a testament to the power of resilience, the need for systemic reform in support services, and the capacity of single moms to not only survive but thrive against the odds. Through her journey, she implores others to embrace their strength, learn from mistakes, and cultivate self-love.
Thank you, Valerie, for sharing your inspiring story of hardships and achievements! If you would like to share your story, please fill out and submit the survey here.
