Whether it’s mom guilt, postpartum body image struggles, feeling overwhelmed, or something else, every mom has been wracked with negative thoughts at one time or another. And as stress mounts or sleep slips away, negative thoughts can be overwhelming, causing us to feel hopeless, stuck, or defeated.
What Causes Negative Thoughts?
While negative thoughts are distressing, they are often second nature. According to VerywellMind, the human mind has consistently shown to be negative. We remember negative experiences better, react more strongly to them, and notice criticism more than praise. Skillpath similarly states that humans have a negativity bias, and are prone to focusing on bad experiences.
Our propensity for negativity isn’t the whole story, though. While negative thoughts may come naturally to us, we still have the ability to encourage positive thoughts, and change the relationship to the negative thoughts we have. Read on for strategies to deal with negative thoughts, and a common hurdle.
Strategies
- Accepting the Thought
Try accepting the presence of your negative thought. You don’t have to agree with its content. Simply accept that the thought is there, and don’t try to fight it.
If you are prone to getting stuck in thought loops, this could help the thought to pass through your mind more easily. Many mindfulness instructors recommend picturing your thoughts as clouds, and watching them move through your mind. You can always bring the thought back later if you would like to examine it further. But this way, it doesn’t create a negative spiral.
- Affirmations
Affirmations are a key way to overcome negative thoughts, according to WebMD. And to practice affirmations, UW Medicine recommends writing down one positive or kind thing about yourself each day. The more personalized and meaningful the better, and it helps if you think of them yourself.
However, it may still feel impossible to talk positively about yourself. Neutral statements are a great alternative, as therapist Rebecca Ogle recommends in her interview with thegoodtrade.
Affirmations will not eliminate negative thoughts. But as you speak more positively/neutrally about yourself, you may notice your inner dialogue slowly reflect this change as well.
- Learn common cognitive distortions
Cognitive distortions are biases that cause us to see the world in a skewed way. While not all negative thoughts involve distortions, some do. For example, one common cognitive distortion is “shoulds”: making no allowance for circumstance, and believing that something should only be one way. “I shouldn’t be struggling,” even after an unexpected layoff, or “I should be able to push through my feelings” even after a death in the family.
Once you are familiar with cognitive distortions, you can point them out in your own thoughts, removing the power from the negative thought. Perhaps you realize it’s okay to be upset, as grieving is a clear exception to the rule. While it won’t take away the pain of your situation, you can shift the blame off of yourself. Regardless of whether there is a distortion or not, make sure to be compassionate toward yourself.
What if I need my negative thoughts?
One reason why negative thoughts are so poignant is that they often help, or appear to help. As psychotherapist Tori Rodriguez discusses, negative thoughts can help you to notice danger and evaluate your experiences. And, according to Evolution Counseling, negative thoughts can also be a psychological defense mechanism, particularly in those with depression. However, negative thoughts may also be excessive or harmful, like those with an overactive inner critic.
So, there is validity in feeling like you need your negative thoughts. Sometimes things just suck, and it’s okay to recognize that. But as we know, not every negative thought train is equally valid. Sometimes we are downright mean to ourselves, and those are thoughts that can be changed through approach. Negative thoughts play multiple different roles in your life, which is why it is important to consider your thought patterns and decide from there.
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