While the holidays can be a miraculous time, they can also be somewhat demanding. For many people, holiday gatherings are a focal point of stress. Whether it is a difficult relationship, trouble with travel, or affording the most important item on your child’s wish list, meeting up with others can be just as strenuous as it is joyous.
However, there are many ways to improve holiday gatherings, even for the busiest of single moms. With the use of coping skills, many people find it easier to manage stress, and truly enjoy the time with those they cherish. These five coping skills can all be practiced in less than five minutes, getting you back to the action of your gathering as soon as possible.
1. Grab a Piece of Ice
This strategy is as straightforward as it sounds. Simply grab a piece of ice out of the freezer and hold onto it. While a bit uncomfortable, cold works by activating the vagus nerve, prompting the body to relax. This has been demonstrated by several studies, but might still garner a few weird looks at a family gathering. Feel free to put the ice in a cup and step into another room if you would rather not explain. Additionally, you can also try running your hands under cold water.
2. Dance Party
According to Dr. Mahtab Jafari, dancing is a proven way to release endorphins, which she calls happy chemicals. Not only that, but this is one strategy your kids are sure to enjoy, too. the only thing more fun than dancing on your own is creating a dance party to share. Your little one’s face will light up with joy as you move to the holiday music, and your stress is sure to melt away with it.
3. Small Acts of Kindness
Acts of kindness have been shown to reduce both blood pressure and cortisol, the hormone associated with stress. If you find yourself feeling tense during your event, sharing the love with others might be the perfect pick-me-up.
By simply complimenting your aunt’s knitted sweater or passing the food to where your nephew can reach, you are improving not only their lives, but your own.
This is also a perfect opportunity to let your kids get in on the holiday spirit. Show them how much it brightens everyone’s day to be kind, or have them come up with creative ideas for kindness themselves.
4. Doodles*
According to Jamie Elmer and Jacquelyn Johnson with PsychCentral, forms of drawing such as scribbling or shapes can help people to relieve stress, regardless of whether they are an artist. So, if you keep a spare pencil on hand, even drawing on the back of a napkin at dinner could help limit anxiety.
Like the ice strategy, if you prefer not to invite questions and have the ability to step away, moving to a different room to draw could be another option. Take a couple minutes and crate a winter wonderland drawing, or rip your scribble right through the paper. Either way, you can return to the gathering refreshed.
Or, if you are low on time or space during the event, you could also save this practice for immediately before or after a big gathering. Before, you can work through some of the stress of anticipation. After, drawing could help you to wind down.
Depending on how old your kids are, they may be happy to join you in an art project. Create a festive scene together, or have one person draw pictures and the other try to guess what they are.
*Note that this is one option that may be better practiced with more time: the shortest study of adults available was ten minutes drawing, and it did have positive results for mood, as did 15 minutes, 45 minutes, and other time frames. One study of children also showed positive results in a 5 minute time frame. While it may be safe to assume that the five minute number could apply to adults, it is not known for sure, so that is up for you to decide if it works for you.
5. The Five Minute Debrief
Text or call a friend in advance of your most stressful holiday event and ask if you can set up a five minute venting session, scheduled for just after the event is over. During your debrief, you will have five minutes to vent whatever is on your mind and process one key moment from your holiday. If possible, offer for your friend to share their own stresses back.
You may have to ask around a bit until you find a friend with a compatible schedule. But once you have this conversation planned, you can use it as an anchor to approach other events. While you can’t control everything that happens at your gathering, it can help knowing that there is someone outside the situation that will be there for you regardless. Even if you do not end up calling, simply knowing that support is there if you need it can help with anxiety.
For some, you might be too busy to plan something like this, or maybe you are still working on building a support system. The SMS Community (or one of the other groups from our Dating, Networking, and Online Communities post) could be a more convenient online alternative for discussion. Additionally, if you want to vent but would prefer to remain anonymous, there is also the parental stress line.
Or, plan to de-stress with yourself. Block out some time in advance to journal or try one of the other options on this list. Much like a scheduled call, it can allow you another tool in your arsenal when something stressful comes up.
Unfortunately, the holidays often reinforce a feeling of loneliness or hopelessness for many, as we are forced to confront the ways that our expectations and needs differ from reality. If none of these methods sound thorough enough, that does not mean there is any problem with you. For resource needs or crisis-related matters, please visit this list of important numbers and local Austin resources.
Takeaway
With these five strategies, you can gain more control of your holiday experience and celebrate this time with a few less worries on your plate. Like any coping skill, not every option will work for every person, so feel free to try out different ones until you find what is best for you. All in all, you deserve to delight in this time with your family, and hopefully these five coping skills will help you to do so.
